SKYSCRAPER DREAMS


Scraping my way up closer to the sky
One brick of dollared mortar at a time
Escaping away. No sir, it’s no lie.
I believe if I climb higher, I’ll find
Myself nearer to heaven, or hell if I fly
Out of the burning window, gravity unwinds
As I plummet into smokey nothingness, why

Do we chase these skyscraper dreams?
Only for them to come crashing down in a heap
Beside us, in a bloodied rubble of ambition
A lonely place for them ashen clowns of commerce to keep
On juggling our happiness
In their burst; muddied bubble of monetary attrition

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Published in: on September 7, 2011 at 11:36 am  Comments (2)  

2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I love this poem, truly. If you are the type who prefers not to receive constructive criticism, then just stop here! 🙂 If you want to know my one tiny suggestion, then you can read on.

    I feel the phrase “No sir, it’s no lie” falls a little flat compared to the rest of your beautifully phrased and rhythmic language… like a bit of an “old stand-by”. Obviously, YOU are the authority on what this line needs to say to complete your meaning, but your vowel sound in that stanza gives you plenty of options of how to end that line (ever used b-rhymes.com?).

    One last comment – this is my FAVORITE line! :
    Myself nearer to heaven, or hell if I fly

    • Jessica, it’s an absolute pleasure to meet you, albeit on the internet superhighway. I just want to thank you sincerely for your wonderfully kind and constructive feedback on the new poem called ‘SKYSCRAPER DREAMS’, that I posted in my blog: https://kenhume79.wordpress.com/ earlier today. Truly, I appreciate your feedback! 🙂 I don’t mind constructive criticism at all, it helps me become a better; more all-rounded poet/writer and shows me that a person at least took the time to read my poem and cared enough to make a helpful suggestion. Thank you so much, your comment certainly brightened my day! I’ll most definitely have a look at that line: “No sir, it’s no lie” again. It does seem like a little bit of a ‘standby’ comment, now that you point it out to me.

      Take care and God Bless

      Ken


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