Like pirates, they plunder
The very depths of society
For another toothless wonder
And their fucked-up family
Their lives torn asunder
For our consumption on TV
Screaming bloody murder
With a belligerent type of glee
And I’m left to wonder
Whether a bemused Jeremy
Instead of paying for their hotel
Might be better forking out for some dentistry
With holes in their arguments
As wide as the gaps in the teeth
They eventually come to an agreement
But they’re doomed to repeat
The same old mistakes and deceit
Brother accuses brother of stealing his watch
Wife accuses fella of putting pictures of his crotch
On secret dating sites, which he denies of course
DNA test finds him out, but still no remorse
Bickering sisters competing for the affections
Of a father or mother they never knew
Coming to terms with their rejection
While another fight brews
Running onto to the stage
They fly into a verbal rage
Separated by bodyguard Steve
You’d find it hard to believe
Running of the stage again; shouting down from the rows
When they want to have their say; when they’ve been exposed
As the liars & cheaters; victims or lovelorn
It’s easy to mock them, it’s easy to scorn
But, it’s their 15 minutes of fame
Revelling in the spotlight
Ignorant of the shame
That their contrived plight
Brings upon their name
Yet we the viewer lap it up in
Because it’s all part of the game
Reality comedy gold
For our guilty pleasure
Our sadistic amusement
A national treasure
